Sunday, April 16, 2017

bullshit

Now listen up now, ya hear? I want to tell ya 'bout a fella who is often seen over at the neighborhood beer barn...you know the place, right? No?, ok, then jus' follow this here road down to the second right turn that is a dirt road, sometimes it gets a little washed out, but never you mind that, you look like you got enough proper Ford truck to make it the distance.

Now just keep on that road for a bit, there is a couple o' left and right switchbacks, a creek ya gota cross, and watch out for motorcycle people, they can be awnery while drivin'..yes, I said awnery not ornery, I know how to spell you young whippersnapper, high fallutin' city boy!

Sometimes, if'n yur lucky, you might spot the ol' people of the valley. Yes, that's wut we callum. They are strange, yes sireee, they sur are. You can't missem, if yur lucky, that is.

Eventually, if you look hard to the right, you'ill find the place. For sure ya found it if you notice the tin roof is quite a bit rusted and the door is off its hinges.. Go on in, yes, just go, it's much nicer inside...homeylike, if you know wha' I mean.

It's a bit dark inside, they run on a generator and gas ain't cheap, ya know. The smoke don't help that, but that's that, nothin' for it I say.

There is this old guy, well, older than me, and I am 87...go on up to him and ask if you can buy him a beer....he won't say anything to that but 'shiner', but sometimes he has a hankering for 'schlitz', can't say as I blame 'im either.

Once you settle down with your ice cold beer, ask him if he has any stories. You see, and hear me now, he is the tallest tall tales Texan you ever met. Don't be put off, my lord above, you sure are a wimp ain't ya. Some call him the bullshit artist...yea, artist, we got culture around here ya know.

If'n your lucky he might tell you about the time he was interested in computer stuff, yep, he is ah educatecated man. Passed 10th grade at the old schoolhouse also, nobody much does that in these here parts, usually quitting around 6 or 7th grade to help out with the cattle. And being able to say 'nuf words to get the point across, sur 'nuf that's all a man needs to say anyway, more, then they start soundin' like a woman...talk, talk, talk. talk!

The schoolhouse is gone now, they say someone burned it down outta spite, didn't like his low grades the teacher kept givin' him, that's just talk tho, you know how rumors grow I 'spect.

So he starts tellin' you about this weird thing he was into doin' on that computer...he used to keep it with him, what a new-fangled gizmo that was, I am here to tell ya. But eventually it stopped workin'...that's ok tho, he can spin a yarn such as you will see before your own eyes that ol' computer, fresh and gleaming like first outta the factory, yep, yes sur, it's a true thing I am sayin'.


Anyway, git on your way now, you're likely to get lost and need to have some spare time for backtrackin', that's if you don't get stuck in one o' those potholes in the road, it gets pretty bad.

oh, make sure you tell 'em I said hello, will ya? Tell him the old bullshit artist sent ya......