It can be said that the opposite of this is “someone who has class, is civilized in their behavior”.
The muse for this missive is an article I just read, here;
Not in full, and not exactly making the similar points, and the ideas for this article have been simmering in my mind for some time.
However, she makes excellent observations that are salient here, such as;
- What others say or think is not something we can control.
- What others say or think is not always the truth nor does it reflect what everyone else says or thinks.
- People are unkind for all kinds of reasons that often have nothing to do with us. Often what they say tells us far more about who they are than it says anything about the person they are disparaging.
- Responding in kind feeds the problem and makes it bigger.
- You can control yourself and what you do and within THAT lies the power to change how it impacts you.
So what are some of the differences?
I think, overall, it is the difference from those who “use and take” as opposed to those whose inherent feelings pertain to giving.
They are transient, for the most part, never owning a home or land, renters their entire lives, so they cannot understand what it means, and the responsibilities required, to own.
These users and takers think that because it is a dog eat dog life, they might as well be on the side of using and taking because otherwise they will get trampled by others of the same ilk.
They use and take from those who are the opposite, those who typically own land or a home, or those who they consider to have more than themselves and whom will be able to easily replace things stolen.
They are those whose peers around them, their “friends” think the same way, and they all use and take from each other also, running up debts they will never repay, using the system in order for them to eek out another day so that they can continue to do the same, over and over again.
Those who are always just one small step from problems with the law, who often have experience with being in jail or prison, who are always having their own little inconsequential drama among themselves, for the most part. If they can't find someone outside of their little circle of friends to discuss drama issues [where they always call other people the drama queens] they will go make some.
A life that is devoid of any real considerations of personal responsibility and consideration of others, often moving from one place to the next and either being forced to leave or taking what they can and needing to move on to the next place where they will do the same.
Rather than take the blame for something they instigated, they will blame others in an effort to divert it from themselves.
They never apologize, or if they do, not in a timely manner as decent people would. Sometimes when pushed by enough people [and not enabled by others] they might apologize, but often they never will as they think they are in the right and since others of their peer group will not step up to try and show them the errors of their ways, and even agree with them due to having a similar mind-set, nothing ever changes for them, they never grow mentally.
They are most easily seen for what they are by how they react to adversarial situations. Rather than react sensibly in non-confrontational ways, they will react with force and often in ways that are much more than is needed to deal with an issue.
For example, using physical force along with yelling and screaming...they know no other ways.
Often also, they are easily discerned when they take something personally even when the conversation does not mention them by name. I have often mused this is due to them actually feeling it is personal.
For example, if you call a generalized group or community they belong to as one who is “insert whatever word applies”, they think they are being pointed at specifically, they may even deny it publicly, which only serves to make it clear to others they actually are part of that “whatever”, due to the simple fact they take it personally.
I could discuss a crowd of drama queens, as another example, and only those who in fact are, will respond negatively or respond in ways totally out of proportion to the causal matter being discussed. They see this of themselves but only subconsciously, but how they respond is the key.
Rather than see amusement in such talk or laugh about it, they will strike back. For example, I once did a series of notices in a grid that quoted various people related to insanity. I had a lot of people IM me that they loved them and thought they were hysterical and fun...conversely, I also knew that some would take it personally. The notices were actually intended to be as I wanted them to be, funny, that some took offense, was, obviously, that they felt personally affronted.
The problem in everyday life is how to deal with such types of people. A response in-kind only makes it worse, they are fully convinced that the way they deal with issues is fine, because they see the proof...they got away with stealing, so they think, or they got away with using others and justify it by saying those people are naive, and they should have been paying better attention, right?
So you have to find a way to both speak their language but also to do it in non-confrontational ways that only give them more ammunition. If you attempt to match this you, also, are lowering yourselves to their level. In other words, do not call them lowlifes to their faces because this will give them the opportunity to then go on to prove it...either stealing from you more or using you more [as they think they are doing regardless of reality].
Let them think they are getting their way and let them believe they are good people and you can accomplish what you want to, easily.
Because the irrefutable bottom line is lowlifes are not very intelligent, and this can be used to disarm them and wave them off.